Tell Me How You Love, and I’ll Tell You How You Spend!

Loving Relationships and Money – One and the Same Thing?

Love and money: two of the most emotionally charged aspects of our lives. How we engage in romantic relationships often mirrors how we handle our finances. Both require trust, communication, boundaries, and long-term planning. If you’ve ever noticed that your love life is filled with grand gestures, anxious attachment, or even avoidance, chances are your financial habits reflect the same patterns.

By understanding these connections, we can gain insight into our financial behaviors and develop healthier relationships with both money and love.

The Psychology Behind Love and Money

Money and love are both deeply intertwined with our emotional well-being. They evoke feelings of security, power, freedom, and self-worth. The way we were raised—whether in a home filled with financial abundance or scarcity, emotional warmth or distance—shapes our attitudes toward both.

Research suggests that early childhood experiences influence our attachment styles in relationships, which in turn affect financial behaviors (Rutgers NJAES, 2023). For example, someone who grew up in an unpredictable financial environment may develop a scarcity mindset, leading to hoarding money or avoiding emotional vulnerability. Conversely, those raised with financial and emotional stability may feel more at ease both spending and expressing love freely.

Additionally, studies show that adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) can contribute to financial anxiety and unhealthy relationship patterns (Eggleston Youth Center, 2023). Just as a history of instability can lead to difficulties in maintaining healthy romantic partnerships, it could also result in challenges with money management.

Love and Money Types: Which One Are You?

Just as we have different attachment styles in relationships, we also have distinct financial personalities. Here are some common types and how they manifest in both love and money:

1. The Romantic Spender

• Love: Swept up by grand gestures, prioritizes intense emotions over stability.
• Money: Spends impulsively, often to impress or express love through gifts and experiences.
• Solution: Find balance—meaningful gestures don’t have to be expensive, and long-term financial security is also an act of love.

2. The Secure Investor

• Love: Builds relationships on trust, open communication, and long-term thinking.
• Money: Saves, invests, and plans for the future without stress or guilt.
• Solution: Keep up the good habits but allow room for spontaneity in both love and finances.

3. The Avoidant Saver

• Love: Struggles with emotional intimacy, avoids deep connections, and prefers independence.
• Money: Hoards savings, avoids spending, and fears financial risk.
• Solution: Work on trusting both people and the process—financial security is important, but so is enjoying the present.

4. The Anxious Overspender

• Love: Feels insecure in relationships, fears abandonment, and may overcompensate with affection.
• Money: Spends excessively as a way to seek validation or manage anxiety.
• Solution: Recognize that self-worth isn’t tied to how much you give—financial and emotional stability come from within.

5. The YOLO Lover/Spender

• Love: Lives in the moment, avoids commitment, and seeks excitement over stability.
• Money: Spends freely, avoids financial planning, and prioritizes short-term pleasures.
• Solution: A little planning won’t kill the fun—setting financial and relationship goals can still leave room for spontaneity.

Building a Healthy Relationship with Love and Money

Understanding your patterns is the first step to growth. Just as strong relationships require communication, patience, and compromise, financial well-being demands planning, discipline, and balance.

At Propelle, we help women take control of their financial futures with confidence and clarity. By recognizing how love and money are interconnected, you could cultivate a healthier, more fulfilling relationship with both.

Want to learn more? Join our Propelle community and start your journey toward financial empowerment and emotional well-being today!

Sources:

• Rutgers NJAES (2023). “The Connection Between Financial and Relationship Behaviors.” Retrieved from https://njaes.rutgers.edu
• Eggleston Youth Center (2023). “The Link Between Childhood Trauma and Financial Anxiety.” Retrieved from https://www.egglestonyouthcenter.org